What is this 'fanfiction'
by All Gore
Summary: It's a hard knock life for Sam and Dean Winchester when they find out they are fanfiction characters. T for Dean's mouth, very dark themes, and Hallucifer. Parody of a parody in which Sam and Dean discover fanfiction. Hope you enjoy it :). ooh I forgot the disclaimer. Ok, you recognize it I don't own it.


The small town in St. Paul Minnesota had just one inn, a hostel so decrepit and old that it looked like it had been standing for centuries. The lady at the register looked just as old. She said "what can I do for you two?"

The two young men glanced at each other, confirming this lady was not a threat. These brothers were very close, and equally perceptive, but two assurances are better than one. The older one, Dean, noticed his brother shiver. Sammy had always been sensitive to the cold and here they were in Minnesota in February.

"uhh we would like a room, please, "said Sam. "With Wi-Fi and heating. Have you got that?"

"Oh you betcha," the woman said in an irksome perky manner. "And don't'cha worry, Minnesota is very liberal. Your type are definitely accepted here. "She didn't notice Sam's mortified face. "Here's your key. Enjoy your stay dears!"

"But he's my br-"

"Come on, _honey,_" Dean said, pulling his brother away. Sam pouted but, remembering his manners thanked the woman.

They settled in the room, the surprisingly good heating making them comfortable.

"Shut up, we never have, nor will we ever be together," Sam said to his imaginary enemy. "Dean loves Castiel, duh!"

His enemy laughed, not that Dean could hear. But Dean _did_ hear Sam's claim that he loved Cas, and clocked his brother on the head.

Sam winced, and whined "what was that for? See what I mean Luci, he never uses his words." Dean sighed. His brother was so adorable with his imaginary friend-he-claims-is-an-enemy.

Sam lifted his eyes, expression going from interested to horrified. "WHAT!?" he exclaimed. "What is this 'fanfiction?' Is this some kind of new torture? WHY MEEEEE!?" Lucifer sighed at his vict-_friend's _drama. Yes, it was torture, and he knew- as a part of Sam's brain- that people wrote stories about the Winchester brothers with incest. "Sam, remember when I flayed all of your skin off. We were playing interrogation and you told me about the internet, so I looked online for my favorite torturee and this is what I found."

"So what's he say?" Dean said, pointing his head to Sam's hallucination's supposed location. He had seen that look on Sam, whenever someone mentioned his torture, and reminded himself how destructive hallucifer can be to Sam. "Come on ya little bitch," he quipped. "Don't let him get to you."

Sam pinched himself. "oooh are you gonna call him jerk now? I love it when you guys do that. Remember when I pretended to let you go and you thought I was Dean and called me a jerk. Punishing you was soooo much fun. I remember cutting out your tongue and forcing you to eat it. And then when it grew back I did it again. And again. You always shut up after that. Aah good times good times."

Sam closed his eyes as he pressed his gunshot wound he'd gotten on the last hunt. Dean rushed over, worried about Sam's silence. Lucifer disappeared and Sam exhaled, muttering.

"Sorry Dean he got carried away. He didn't mean it. I want to check out this 'fanfiction.'" Dean still looks a little worried but types 'fanfiction supernatural' into the search bar. He reads a couple of stories and lets out a strangled gasp, eyes widening in terror. Then he laughs. Then he cries. Then he starts to throw the computer out the window in a quiet rage. Sam stops him from ruining his_ precious_ and turns to the ever present Lucifer.

"I'm impressed. You managed to turn him mad without ever appearing to him," he says admiringly. Retrieving the computer, he glances at a story. 'MA, lemons, wincest, slash, crack' is written in the warning section. Dean is rocking on the floor, eyes glassy, muttering 'death to Mary Sue' repetitiously. He sees Sam reading and in a moment of lucidity he shouts "DON'T DO IT!" then goes back to rocking.

He was too late as Sam, bug eyed reads more and more. His face pales, and he starts shivering. His crazy is different than Dean's. Hallucifer sees his chance and transforms into Dean. "Sam, Sammy," he says cautiously. "It's just a story. Or it isn't, I never know with your hallucinations. Just remember, if you shoot it and it doesn't die, it's not real." He pretends to get impaled by Sam's imagination and smiles internally at Sam's discomfort. "What you see Sammy, it's not real. Just shoot it, you'll see." Sam clicks off the safety and shoots.

Blood splatters the wall and Dean crumples. Before he dies, he says "author you are a bitch, fuck you!" and exhales his last carbon dioxide breath.

The author was slumped on her couch, writing, when she heard Dean. She was a very arrogant girl who put herself into her own stories sometimes and Dean's comment got on her nerves. "Oh no you didn't, " she retorts, and brings Dean back to life.

Sam caught on to Lucifer's ploy much too late. He saw what he had done and started crying, then shot himself.

Dean had just been mysteriously revived and the first thing he saw was his Sammy blowing his brains out. Unstable little bitch ganked himself, he thought numbly. "Fuck you, this is much worse than dying," he screamed.

The author laughed cruelly and sent Castiel to Dean.

When Castiel arrived, he magically cured Sam even though Sam was dead. Dean thanked him profusely and hugged him. "Something like this requires payment," Cas said huskily.

"What are you a crossroads demon? Well I'm not gonna kiss you. This is forced destiel and it's that stupid author ruining my life and I quit! I'm always blamed when Sam gets hurt, and it's not fair! I'm constantly rescuing that idiot and I just wanna be a family without getting injured or killed. Is that too much to ask? IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK?"

The author looked up, surprised. She didn't know being fanfiction!Dean was so hard. She typed five words to appease Dean and smiled.

And they lived happily ever after (except for Sam's mental health, Castiel's sudden creepiness, Hallucifer's interference, and Dean's obstinance).

"Hey," Dean shouted "I-mmmph mh mph."

And Dean got pie (to shut him up obviously).

"mmphhphamph!"

THE END

**please give me constructive criticism reviews**


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